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We’ve all had them: lousy fucking lap dances. Lap dances that turn your cock into soft tissue. The chick grinds too hard (ouch!) or not at all (blue balls!). She pushes your hand away when you try to touch her tits or grab her ass. She’s completely disinterested in you. She’s just working, and you’re just another sucker. You’re halfway through the first dance, and you can’t wait for the song to end so you can get her off your lap.

Of course, we’ve all had great lap dances, too. Dances you didn’t want to end. Dancers who were so good, you tried as hard as possible to keep from popping in your pants so the dance could last longer. Lap dances that were better than sex.

Nobody wants a bad lap dance. We all want to have a good time and get off. But how can we be certain that the next time we tuck our hard-earned cash into a dancer’s garter, heaven awaits?

Fortunately, there are ways to assure the perfect lap dance. We know. The two writers of this story have been getting lap dances for a combined 60 years, and now we’re ready to share our knowledge. It’s “The Uncensored Guide to Lap Dancing.” No bullshit. We should print this and leave copies on cigarette machines in the clubs.

We’ve divided this special report into three sections: “Do Your Homework,” “Rules of the Room” and “Lap Dance Etiquette.”

Ignore one or more of these sections at your own peril. Read ‘em all, digest ‘em and you’re on your way to lap dance nirvana.

See More of Carmen Hayes at SCORELAND.COM!

SCORE Card: 11 Photos of SCORE Card

Thank you big time for discovering Daylene Rio. She looks so beautiful. It has been a long time waiting for Daylene’s professional skills to become internationally exposed. She is the sexiest, nicest and coolest girl I’ve ever known. I am a longtime friend of hers, and it is great to see friends get this kind of exposure. I hope to see more pictures of Daylene, but please keep her solo.-A.V.

Too late! A video and photo set of Daylene spreading her legs open for a hot beef fill-up is scheduled for this weekend. Hopefully, you’ll still stay friends…friends like Daylene are hard to find.

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Star Interview

Entertaining hordes of horny men for several years surely educates an exotic dancer on how to give the audience what they want. Slone Ryder is a veteran house dancer and performance artist at a northern Kentucky nightclub. Now, she’s moved up to V-Mag model and XXX film star. Slone sent us an email with a photo attached and the rest was history. Hang on tight as we take a wild ride with Slone.

See More of Slone Ryder at SCORELAND.COM!

Star Interview

Originally Published in August ‘08 SCORE
Conducted by Dave Rosenbaum, editor

You can stick your tongue back in your mouth, SCORE Man. Yes, Janet Jade’s DDD-cup hangers are natural, yes, she really is that beautiful, and, yes, she really does have one of the most amazing bodies ever. Girls like Janet come along once in a lifetime…if you’re lucky.

The kudos are pouring in. I.B. from Canada wrote, “Janet is the hottest SCORE debut I’ve seen in a very long time, black or white. She has it all. I know it’s early, but Janet has my vote for 2008 Newcomer of the Year hands down.” Added L.C. from Wichita, Kansas, “Calling Janet the best black-and-stacked SCORE Girl ever isn’t enough. She might be the best SCORE Girl ever, period.”

And the best part about it? Janet doesn’t realize how great she is. Read on.

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SCORE Card: 11 Photos of SCORE Card

I have to say that of your new models, Dallas Dixon, is by far the hottest thing going. I would love to see her in a girl-on-girl layout. I don’t usually purchase magazines, but after seeing her May ‘08 V-Mag layout online. I went right over to the eBoobStore and purchased a copy. Thanks for keeping your site fresh with great new models like Dallas Dixon. I really hope to see more of her soon! Thanks, B.B.

Carmen Hayes! Wow! This was one of the hottest virtual sessions I’ve ever seen. Keep up the good work.-Name withheld by request.

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Star Interview

You don’t normally think of Gianna Rossi as a “bikini girl.” You think of her as a girl who sucks and fucks big cocks, like she did in the DVDs Pounding The Pledges and Big-Tit Tune Up. Gianna is a porn star. Case closed. Well, maybe not. Because when Gianna joined us in Eleuthera, Bahamas for the Big-Boob Paradise photo shoot, we saw a different side of Gianna. A glamorous side. A curvy, big-titted babe who looked spectacular in a bikini (just take a look at these photos) and loved soaking up the sun and swimming in the warm Bahamian waters. Of course, the Gianna we all know (and love) was always right below the surface, ready to burst out at a moment’s notice. As she did in this interview, conducted on the porch of our Eleutheran hideaway.

See More of Gianna Rossi at SCORELAND.COM!

Star Interview

V-mag: We are here today with Angela White, our V-mag Model of the Year for 2007. Hello Angela, and a big congratulations on winning our highest honor.
Angela: Thank you. I’m always happy to pay you a visit, but this is so very special. When I first got the news from your editor, Gary Phillips, I was literally in shock. Since I live so far away, Gary sent me an email and I sat at my computer for about 10 minutes with tears rolling down my face, completely speechless. Tears of joy, mind you. It really is a dream come true. I admire all the other women so much that I never thought I really had an honest chance at winning it myself. I’m so grateful to all the fans who voted for me. I’m flattered.
V-mag: Angela, you are one of our favorite V-mag and SCORE models of all time, not just this year with your Model of the Year win, but every year. Do you know why?
Angela: No. Tell me.
V-mag: You’re cute. You’re sexy. You have very big boobs. But there are many other reasons, too.
Angela: Please, tell me more.
V-mag: You are so enthusiastic and have such a wonderful attitude.
Angela: I just love this and I guess it shows. It’s so much fun and I’m a bit of an exhibitionist, so it’s exciting!
V-mag: In what ways are you an exhibitionist?
Angela: I just like being naked and just being natural and having everybody watch me. I like touching myself and other women, so doing solo and girl-girl photos and videos has been a perfectly natural thing for me.
V-mag: Another reason that you are so popular with our readers is that you are a lot like them. You like girls with big boobs, don’t you?

See More of Angela White at SCORELAND.COM!

SCORE Tv: 29:53 Minute Video of Candace Von

Alexis Silver chats with host Dave and demonstrates sex positions. Summer Sinn and Morgan Leigh play the fruit game. Rachel Love on the set of her SCORE comeback. Carly Parker, April McKenzie, Candace Von and their Jokes of the Day. Holly Halston and her porn star husband Troy Halston talk about making new hardcore movie My Wife Your Meat with guys other than Troy for the first time. Dave meets The Hot Nurse, new model Sara Sunshine. Christy Marks plays “What’s In My Titties?” with tourists on Miami Beach. Yvonne Ryder demonstrates the Scandalous “Hooter Shooter” cocktail dispenser. Running Time: 29:53

See More of Candace Von at Scoreland.com!

SCORE Tv: 29:53 Minute Video of Candace Von

Alexis Silver chats with host Dave and demonstrates sex positions. Summer Sinn and Morgan Leigh play the fruit game. Rachel Love on the set of her SCORE comeback. Carly Parker, April McKenzie, Candace Von and their Jokes of the Day. Holly Halston and her porn star husband Troy Halston talk about making new hardcore movie My Wife Your Meat with guys other than Troy for the first time. Dave meets The Hot Nurse, new model Sara Sunshine. Christy Marks plays “What’s In My Titties?” with tourists on Miami Beach. Yvonne Ryder demonstrates the Scandalous “Hooter Shooter” cocktail dispenser. Running Time: 29:53

See More of Candace Von at SCORELAND.COM!

SCORE Theater: 7:27 Minute Video of Annina Ucatis

Covergirl for May ‘08 SCORE, Annina Ucatis is fast becoming the most talked about new big-boobed hottie in Germany. She’s gotten a lot of press in the German newspapers and tabloids the past year so when SCORE learned about her, we contacted her to see if she would be interested in showing her rack on magazine racks around the world. Between photo shoots in Berlin, Annina speaks to SCORE about lots of stuff…her breast fetish, what a guy should do to attract her and how she rates herself at giving blow jobs. Annina’s English is very good so this interview did not require a translator. Welcome to the big show, Annina. Running Time: 7:27.

See More of Annina Ucatis at Scoreland.com!